we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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