I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
