Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
