I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
