if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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