I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
