Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You're like the curious george of whores
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
