The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
