If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
