ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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