At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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