my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
