She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's blow job season.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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