this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
