I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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