She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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