i permit you to call me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's blow job season.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
