the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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