Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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