I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
