I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
