I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
