idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
