are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
