I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
