tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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