So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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