Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
