Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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