does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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