Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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