I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
