I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
