I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
