I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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