One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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