you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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