Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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