Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
