dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
