I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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