im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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