well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
