Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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