Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
