the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
