I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
