I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
