I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
