Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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