This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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