i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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