his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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