My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
