even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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