I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
