The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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