So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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