Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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