She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
