We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
