bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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