just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
