guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
