his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
