I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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