I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
