I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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