Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
